Becoming an Effective Researcher: Take the Plunge, Make Discoveries, Be Stupid

For class tomorrow we were assigned to do three rather interesting readings that were not scientific, but rather, about the process of scientific research. On the whole, they made me both terrified of going into research permanently, and yet excited about what a lifetime of research could entail.

The first article was one part of two and described what it was like if one were to take the plunge into earning a Ph.D. It gave a  bit of advice as to what really makes the graduate program; as it turns out, an excellent mentor is the best thing a graduate student can receive from any program. I am very appreciative of my own mentor, even before entering into this course. She is my academic advisor as well, and I still remember her stopping me in the halls last year during registration time to let me know that the class I had wanted to take, (full at the time) had opened up a new slot. She's pointed me in the direction of scholarships and internship opportunities and was the one who convinced me to take this class. When reading the author's spiel on choosing a mentor, I knew that at least for undergrad, I've got a pretty good one. The chemistry of our lab is a good one as well. People are generally happy and fun, eager to help and chatty. I'm hopeful that, were I to one day pursue a Ph.D., that the conditions would be similar.

The second article was a continuation of Jonathan Yewdell's advice. This gave a more in depth explanation of what it takes to be a good researcher. It takes a natural curiosity, bravura, and self-confidence to carry you through with ideas. It is necessary to be resourceful, to ask questions, and pay scrupulous attention to detail. I don't know if it made me feel better about considering the research path or worse. I feel that in some instances I am completely lacking the self-confidence outlined by the author. Now is one of those times because even though I've been in the lab for two full weeks now, I still realize there are things I need to learn, and I feel like there's so much more I have to learn before I can even fully understand my project. When he talks about asking questions and being curious, I wonder if I really have that curiosity that is so desired. Am I just saying I want to know about certain things because this is something I think I want to do with my life? Or do I really want to know these things? Some days I really feel curious and I'll go on a reading spree, but others days I feel almost tired of it. I suppose assessing my curiosity would be finding the sum of these parts. I wonder often if I have the attention to detail the author dictates. I feel like I do take great care, and I'm obsessive compulsive enough that not much gets through. On the other hand, moments when I forget to write down a temperature in my lab book (as just recently happened) shake me up and make me wonder if I'm just fooling myself.

My favorite article was the third one, and I'm so glad I read it last. Because research has been making me feel pretty stupid, clueless, almost clumsy as I stumble my way through a world that I only know little about. I feel like I'm watching everyone else do exactly what they need to, knowing automatically what has to be done, able to write about these things scientifically off the top of their heads. I keep telling myself it's because I'm new to the lab and these things will come with time and experience. Like I said, this third article made me feel so much better. It said that the point of research was to make you feel stupid, in the ignorant way. I felt so much better when I read "If we don't feel stupid it means we're not really trying." This school year has brought about a lot of self-analysis because of how my entire high school career was based on getting the grade. I had straight A's and was obsessive about maintaining them. I managed to keep my 4.0 through my first year of college, but this fall semester finally brought me to my "breaking point" if you will. I got a B+ in Organic Chemistry and a B in Biostatistics and Experimental Design. It took a lot of introspection to cope, and a lot of self-coaching to keep me from panicking and feeling like my future hopes and dreams were going to fall through. It's hard. I'm not used to not knowing the answers. It's a slow and difficult process, learning to accept the fact that you can't be perfect. In an odd way, I feel like a masochist. I want to be perfect and I want to get perfect grades so I can go on to my perfect life. It still kills me sometimes when I see my 3.85, and not even my boyfriend can understand why I decided to take Organic Chemistry II next semester.

But in away, Science is saving me from myself. It's teaching me it's okay not to know everything, or even not to pretend to know...

I haven't decided if I want to do research permanently. If I had to make a guess as to what I will end up doing, it would be something along the lines of going to get my Masters in Genetic Counseling. Doing that for many years, getting married, having a family. Then with an empty nest and years of experience under my belt, going for a change of scenery and getting a Ph.D.

Also, here is what I was like in high school. I don't know how I had friends, but I did, so thanks guys:

Literature Cited

Schwarts, M. A. The importance of stupidity in scientific research. Journal of Cell Science. 9 April 2008
Yewdell, J.W. How to succeed in science: a concise guide for young scientists. Part I: taking the plunge. Nature Rev. Mol. Cell Biol. 10 April 2008
Yewdell, J.W. How to succeed in science: a concise guide for young scientists. Part II: making discoveries. Nature rev. Mol. Cell Biol. 10 April 2008